Wishes.

Today...well...it's got to be one important day. Today I'm going to the human resources office to look for a job. It would be on base and only should last until...I dunno...end of December. It's my plane ticket home, a little extra money in my wallet...and hopefully, for the first time in I don't know when...Christmas presents.

Just like any other time I've ever written in here, it's just my little diary of what's going on in my life...something to reflect upon.
Life has been pretty bad..living with Chris and Taylor has been the worst experience I've ever gone through in my entire life.

Who would have thought that living with your "favorite" brother would be so bad? I sure didn't.
Taylor is a whole different person now that she's married...ignorant and ungrateful.
I miss my job at Hanson's working with Randy...right now, I'd work everyday even if was free..it's hard feeling like your your dying just sitting around all day.

I remember doing some pretty stupid things in my life and they just came back to me and hit me right back in the head afterwards....funny thing is...I've done some really nice things in my life too...and luckily, they came back and rewarded me too.

I've never really wished anything upon someone and meant it...but Taylor and Chris are going to get what they deserve.

So here goes nothing! Time to say everything I wanted to say today...

I hope life get's better for my mom, my dad, my brothers, my grandma, the rest of my family, my wonderful girlfriend, my girlfriends family, randy and meridith, my friends(even if we don't talk), everyone else who deserves a good pat on the back, and lastly...me.

I'll hold out the rest of my time until I can see my girlfriend again, then I can be mad at life. Until then, I'm keeping my head up for everyone I just listed, because I know they would like me to do just that.

Thoughts

"Oh what a beautiful day it is...."
Sun is shining, birds are chirping...seems like everyone is getting along.
I walked downstairs to breakfast just made for me and her. We sat and ate our food, talked about our upcoming day and our plans ahead. We kiss goodbye and look into each others eyes to remember them throughout the day. After a long day at work, I arrive home just shortly before her and start preparing dinner. I start the potatoes and boil the water; take the meat out and start the pan. For what seems to be the hundredth time, she arrives home with bad news. She tells me a story of boy just dreaming late last night while she was gone in her own bed, sleeping the night away...

No, it's not the dream I'm worried about tonight,...or even the fact that it may not even come true...

I just hope your dreaming of me,..because I'm dreaming of you. :)

Goodnight Everyone....(Especially you, my baby girl <3)

Falicia

I hope you read this Falicia because I want you too. I want you to read this and make sure you understand just what you've really done to me.

I used to have the greatest relationship in the world....I couldn't even imagine a more perfect woman in my life. One so beautiful and happy...one who shares every moment with me because she always cared.

I used to have the best times I could ever ask for. Sad ones and ones filled with anger...but most importantly, those beautiful walks to the park I treasured every moment I sat with her by our tree.

But the thing's you've done to me and my relationship make me no longer ever want to see her beautiful face again.
I don't ever want to see Heidi, talk to Heidi or even as to think of her. I really don't care what happens to the relationship now because of you. Just you and only you. No...I don't wish anything bad on you, I just hope your happy for what you've done to me.
Say it as many times as you like and do whatever you like...you'll never know the pain of being so alone and hurting inside every breathing moment of your life, giving everyday everything you've ever had.

So that's it...I just wanted to let you know of what you've really done to me...and what you've done to her.
Good luck in life Falicia, I truly hope what you did you thought was right.

June 2nd.

I haven't got much sleep lately, but i feel OK. Physically I'm all messed up...hopefully I can recover from everything.
I'm going to go downstairs in a little bit to clean..I think cleaning is something I do because it takes away a lot of stress from my mind...something maybe psychological about it...the whole starting new thing, everything being clean.

I just want to add this to anyone who actually reads this out there:
Don't think your alone if anything goes wrong in life,...there are many and many people out there suffering with numerous and complex problematic situations just like yours. You can find help in lots of places...I think the best place to look is inside your self. Maybe taking your mind off it, like something that relaxes you.

So I'm off to clean and take my mind off of all of my problems. Who knows what will happen when I come back.
Who knows when or if I'll ever be done cleaning.

The point is, try to stay positive.

Hurting...

Things continuously keep going wrong....everything keeps going wrong.

I hate it. Every single day I pour my heart and soul into everything I do. I be nice to everyone, make all the right choices and decisions to the best of my ability....

I know when somethings wrong...I know when something is out of place or just doesn't seem right.
But as of late....I just can't seem to find whats out of place anymore...everything that I think is wrong is every single day now...

..so what if that's right...

Maybe a depressed girlfriend, rainy days and a cluttered house is right.
Maybe the leaves aren't suppose to be green and every smile is suppose to be a frown. Maybe I'm suppose to sleep all day because I just can't seem to find out what's right anymore.

I miss all of those days when I could get up and feel so good...no pain in my body and no pain in my heart.
I want to get up and smile again...think about my beautiful girlfriend...somewhere she's thinking about me...
I just want to....want to get up.

Right now, I just want to sleep all day. There's no point in getting up to something that hurts so much inside. What's the point of smiling when absolutely everything is wrong? I don't even have the energy to fix it anymore....

I want a happy home, a smiling girlfriend and every last drop of pain to go away...I want my life back.
I want a job and some friends. I want to be healthy and happy...I want that one special person to truly trust me and to never be afraid of me or to ever think any thing she does is dumb. To never think twice about what I think.
She'll never know what I say until I say it...and I want to say it to her so bad..."Everything is going to be ok....I'll make sure of it. I promise..."

....I just hope that I'm not asking too much...
I can't see why It could ever be so much when it feels like I have nothing left....

Just please...give me something.

Life is GREAT

when you know your not wanted. Not even a bit.
I can't remember the last time someone told me they wanted me.
Pretty sad when I've had a GIRLFRIEND MOST THE OF TIME.

I guess that's the way life is.

Fill in.

Just because I love you all, i'm just gonna do a quick "Fill in" before I eat and go to be. It's passed 5 in the morning...I'm tired, hungry...life's...geez.

Yesterday...or I guess you could say two days ago, I went to the Fair with Taylor. I had fun being everything from superman to a little girl....but I still feel bad she did all this. I can't thank her enough for everything shes done for me.

I HOPE arguing with someone special with tone it down with our talk we had. I hope it means alot to her and to me too. I'll keep my word for it and stop doing all the small things that can ruin my day or anyone elses.

I played basketball tonight...some bum played with us and he was....geez....something else? He was falling over and stuff...lol...good times.

After we got slurpees and went to Walmart to buy Wesley some White-Tee's. We stayed there for like...2 hours. Buying some t-shirts. Totally overdone.

Anyway...I feel like I'm forgetting something but...I dunno. I guess I'm gonna go eat and go to bed, that would be the best for me.

Now let's hope I dream Sweet Dreams of beautiful blue skies and green grass....no cheating significant others or scary, demented dreams.

Good dreams. Hopefully.

My blog:

Is what I view it to be now.
And that is my best friend...you know...since I have none ^.^

And you know...because I got no friends...I got nobody to tell my problems too.
I feel better just typing it all out...I think alot of people do. I just hope somebody reads it and cares, but I think I'm asking for too much.

I don't have job. I feel as if life is a chore, getting up is useless. The word Girlfriend is the stupidest word I've ever heard in my entire life. I hate girls and they hate me.

I have so much to go on and on about that I believe blogger wouldn't let me post anymore on my blog cause it would be THAT long.

I wanna go look for a job close by...it'd be easier in every aspect. It'd be nice to have a functional family that actually helps me out.

But everyone knows the word "greed". I guess I'm being greedy and asking for too much. I suppose I have enough because there's a roof over my head. I suppose everything's OK because there's still water coming out of the sink. I guess the sun will still rise tomorrow because there's still air to breathe around me.

So I guess life is OK. I guess everything I ask for IS JUST TO GOD DAMN MUCH.

Dreaming....

You could say I it's just me not getting sleep. Yes, I've been up all night and it is 6:35 in the morning.
But I don't think it's that...I think it's something that's been lingering inside of me for a long time.
But what exactly is it your asking?

Every so often I lay in bed thinking of the next day...I'm sure you do sometimes too.
But when I'm thinking of that next day, I'm not thinking about what's going to happen or what I'm going to eat for lunch....I'm thinking about a beautiful ray of sunlight shining through my window and green grass swaying in the wind.

I know this all sounds crazy and your probably again blaming the sleep, but this blog is for me to share my thoughts..it's all my life and I want you to know just what I'm thinking everyday day I'm alive.

I'd like one of those beautiful walks by the water..the one's where there are falling leaves and animals in the water enjoying their afternoon. That kind.
I'm never saying it won't happen, but wouldn't that be beautiful?

I guess it's been a pretty good night of staying up..just me thinking about thoughts I might not get around too.
Today will be an important day to discuss things over with the one most amazing person in my life; my girlfriend.

( If you've ever dreamed of beautiful walks, or maybe going someplace special again, don't give up on that. Your reading this now because everything in the past worked out just fine. Keep dreaming and make it come true!)

It's positive, I promise.

Something that usually sticks on my mind everyday is something that is mostly on your mind too.

...your significant other...

It's not called worrying, or thinking things over too much, it's called love.
It's many things...all of the feelings you have inside that make you laugh, cry, and smile on your rainy days...that's all love.

It's like the first time you've ever kissed anyone..your first love.
It's feeling invincible to everything because you have that special person by your side, in your arms.

Every day I live a breathe the air, I let everything I have inside me out. All my thoughts, my worries, my...feelings.

I'm not like everyone...I love and care for everything and everyone on this earth...it's who I've grown to be. I don't care too much, because there is no such thing.

The point I'm trying to get across is that love is many things..it's forgiveness, care, trust..being there when someone doesn't deserve the company.

There's not a word, an action....there's nothing anyone can do to make me hate them. It's the sole reason why I have a girlfriend...it's to be there for her. Everything she wants to tell me in her heart. Everything she thinks might be wrong. None of it is wrong to me.

It's the reason I wake up everyday. It's the reason YOU wake up everyday.
To start new every time you open your eyes...no matter the day before.

It's not too often

I write something in Mid-day, but I feel good. I wanted to write/type about it because I guess its rare now-a-days for me to write something in my blog, so I feel good enough to do so. :p

Today should be kind of laid back. Math class is at 6 through 9pm, so that's not TOO bad
(Even though I HATE math).

Just the usual...dishes, cleaning up after myself...ehh...

I'm excited to see what kind of drama Chelsea has to show me; it should be interesting.
Lastly, I hope to finish Silent Hill 3 today...I'm almost done and I'm glad I'm almost done...
(Can something get more demented? I don't think so...)

So that's all, just a short post on my life. Enjoy your day ^.^

Too much....

...This. Typing of my problems all the time. When am I going to be motivated to type positively again? Why is it every time something goes right...something else goes wrong? I won't ever ask for a perfect life...but a person can only wish for a better one...

I have so much to say...so much I want to express...but I'm just too depressed right now...
It's this stupid candy in front of my face. It's my stupid friends. It's me JUST BEING ALIVE. When can I see the day when people smile,....everyone smiles. When can I see the day when problems are the past..and the past is gone....

"I remember you, your beautiful face."
"I remember you, your wonderful voice."
"I remember you....when you we're you...."

Important words last forever when they mean something...you remember every last moment of them.

So I sit alone tonight..curled in my chair, a blanket wrapped around me like the arms of a loving person...thinking of what I used to think.

"I remember when you we're you Corey."
...But memories are just...memories.

I'm....

Getting off schedule again....
Excited and worried for Valentines day....
Hungry....
Tired....
and...yeah, here it goes. Depressed.

When you look at other people lives and think to yourself "Wow..they really don't know what they have".
You say that because maybe you know what it's like to lose something...maybe you say that because you know what that person will be like if that certain loss comes true.

Right now...I don't know what's going on...
My life is hard...I put myself down too much, I know I do. I have a lot going on and I try to cover it all up...
I get lazier by the second..I ate 3 bags of candy last night...
Oh...I'm putting myself down again, here I go. Yeah, I'm trying to stop, I really am. It's just that I'm just not satisfied. I want my life to be better, the way I want it. I believe if life was the was I wanted it, even the people around me would be more happy.

Besides me ranting about my view on my life right now, I also have to talk about my Girlfriend. Yeah, Girlfriend.
Since I last posted here(Over a month ago) I asked her out again. I did it because...well...I had this feeling inside that told me if I did, everything would get better. And things did. I usually only post in this blog to tell you about my problems...well...I don't have enough to write about, but now I do...I have a TON to write about. I mean, type.

I feel like I'm treating her bad, not anything like I used too. It's just my mindset, the way it is now. It's just not how I used to be. My first though on a problem if she had one would be "That's terrible to hear, I'll ask if she needs help." Now? The first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of "TOO BAD". Yeah, I don't REALLY mean it, but I think I need to be more mature about it 90% of the time. I'll try harder to make things better, I really wish I had help doing it though...I need it.

Last but not least....MY HAIR. What do I do with it all?! It's getting out-of-control-long and I don't know if I want it cut. I remember...around 6 years ago or more, It used to be short. Real short. But that was years ago....I might not like it again as I did then. It's less to deal with, there's no such thing as a bad hair day...on and on and on...
I dunno...I'll lastly double check with the boss to see what she has to say about it...I know she likes it long.

That's all...until problems arise again.

The great divide

Well...what exactly is the "Great Divide" you might ask? Ha...that's easy!
I believe it is most well known as a famous place in the U.S.
And I also believe it's a song.
And once more I believe it's a website of some sort.
Well, now that I jammed all the information in your head, I'm now going to inform you that...

I'm not talking about any of those!

What I am talking about is the time-table in between this post and my last one...quite a long time.
Well...I have been kinda busy....not so much with just one thing.
You can also factor in the fact that I have been off schedule for about a week now...I wake up around 5pm and sleep around 10am. But that's normal for Corey,....you know that :p

Well...my blog is titled "My life, yours to read" for a reason...I tell you about my life...and...yes...keep scrolling down...


Here's where I'll tell you.
Overall right now I feel good; physically and emotionally. Not everthing is alright, but it's well enough to get by without complaints. My relationship with my significant other(boy, I have to tell you about her more sometime, shes a real dame!) has been really well. I believe it's been around a week or so since we last argued(I think we're breaking records here) and things have been exciting. I've been sick for the past...3 days and It really hasn't been bad. It's a cold.

With me being off schedule and being up all night means that well...I have to do things that won't disturb other people because they are sleeping. Well, I'm in luck because I'm King James! If you don't know that I'm amazing yet you'll catch on....
I just usually stay up on the computer all night catching up on what happened in the world of sports while I slumbered probably more dreams of my girlfriend cheating on me(why that happens EVERY night I'm not sure....she would'nt do something like that).

Well...now that we've caught up on my life, catch up on yours!
Is there anything that you forgot to do today?

Even if you say no to that, I don't believe you ;)