Hurting...

Things continuously keep going wrong....everything keeps going wrong.

I hate it. Every single day I pour my heart and soul into everything I do. I be nice to everyone, make all the right choices and decisions to the best of my ability....

I know when somethings wrong...I know when something is out of place or just doesn't seem right.
But as of late....I just can't seem to find whats out of place anymore...everything that I think is wrong is every single day now...

..so what if that's right...

Maybe a depressed girlfriend, rainy days and a cluttered house is right.
Maybe the leaves aren't suppose to be green and every smile is suppose to be a frown. Maybe I'm suppose to sleep all day because I just can't seem to find out what's right anymore.

I miss all of those days when I could get up and feel so good...no pain in my body and no pain in my heart.
I want to get up and smile again...think about my beautiful girlfriend...somewhere she's thinking about me...
I just want to....want to get up.

Right now, I just want to sleep all day. There's no point in getting up to something that hurts so much inside. What's the point of smiling when absolutely everything is wrong? I don't even have the energy to fix it anymore....

I want a happy home, a smiling girlfriend and every last drop of pain to go away...I want my life back.
I want a job and some friends. I want to be healthy and happy...I want that one special person to truly trust me and to never be afraid of me or to ever think any thing she does is dumb. To never think twice about what I think.
She'll never know what I say until I say it...and I want to say it to her so bad..."Everything is going to be ok....I'll make sure of it. I promise..."

....I just hope that I'm not asking too much...
I can't see why It could ever be so much when it feels like I have nothing left....

Just please...give me something.

Life is GREAT

when you know your not wanted. Not even a bit.
I can't remember the last time someone told me they wanted me.
Pretty sad when I've had a GIRLFRIEND MOST THE OF TIME.

I guess that's the way life is.

Fill in.

Just because I love you all, i'm just gonna do a quick "Fill in" before I eat and go to be. It's passed 5 in the morning...I'm tired, hungry...life's...geez.

Yesterday...or I guess you could say two days ago, I went to the Fair with Taylor. I had fun being everything from superman to a little girl....but I still feel bad she did all this. I can't thank her enough for everything shes done for me.

I HOPE arguing with someone special with tone it down with our talk we had. I hope it means alot to her and to me too. I'll keep my word for it and stop doing all the small things that can ruin my day or anyone elses.

I played basketball tonight...some bum played with us and he was....geez....something else? He was falling over and stuff...lol...good times.

After we got slurpees and went to Walmart to buy Wesley some White-Tee's. We stayed there for like...2 hours. Buying some t-shirts. Totally overdone.

Anyway...I feel like I'm forgetting something but...I dunno. I guess I'm gonna go eat and go to bed, that would be the best for me.

Now let's hope I dream Sweet Dreams of beautiful blue skies and green grass....no cheating significant others or scary, demented dreams.

Good dreams. Hopefully.

My blog:

Is what I view it to be now.
And that is my best friend...you know...since I have none ^.^

And you know...because I got no friends...I got nobody to tell my problems too.
I feel better just typing it all out...I think alot of people do. I just hope somebody reads it and cares, but I think I'm asking for too much.

I don't have job. I feel as if life is a chore, getting up is useless. The word Girlfriend is the stupidest word I've ever heard in my entire life. I hate girls and they hate me.

I have so much to go on and on about that I believe blogger wouldn't let me post anymore on my blog cause it would be THAT long.

I wanna go look for a job close by...it'd be easier in every aspect. It'd be nice to have a functional family that actually helps me out.

But everyone knows the word "greed". I guess I'm being greedy and asking for too much. I suppose I have enough because there's a roof over my head. I suppose everything's OK because there's still water coming out of the sink. I guess the sun will still rise tomorrow because there's still air to breathe around me.

So I guess life is OK. I guess everything I ask for IS JUST TO GOD DAMN MUCH.