Today was a good day. I layed in bed today while I was playing my gp2x, and I had a feeling I haven't had in a long, long time. I layed there thinking about my girlfriend Heidi,....and for some reason out the blue, I wanted to call her and tell her I loved her, just because. I thought about all of the times that I have looked at her and lost my breath at her sight. It's easy putting things to words when your mad or even when your happy, but it seems sometimes it's the hardest telling someone you love them because you just don't know how at that moment.
I learned something today that I know millions pass by everyday, and that's you don't realize how much you can hurt someone, or how much you can make someone happy. I learned that you change a persons life by what you say to them, and the things you do.
I've had alot of my mind lately, but I know for sure that whatever I'm thinking about, it will always include my truly magical girlfriend Heidi DeCoster. God bless her.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
My life, yours to read...
That was the title I chose for my blog a long time ago because that's exactly what this is. This is my life....and god does it suck. I'm tired of these feelings all the time that this isn't worth it anymore. I feel at times that life isn't worth it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED LIFE! I could be handicapped and sick, but there's always something that puts a smile on my face and happiness in my heart.
But these days, it's so hard to stay positive...I feel like It's a fight every morning to wake up and actually want to be awake for the day. I feel like laying in bed and sleeping...just sleeping because there really is nothing for me no more. I feel helpless and stupid, depressed because I'm ugly and a failure. I can't stand looking in the mirror at myself, or even to crack a small smile. I'm tired of feeling this way...and for a long, long time...thing's have never changed. Only worse do things turn and only more do I just never want to sleep at night.
For god's sake I've done all I can, reached out to whom I thought could help, tried to stay positive and tried to make everything half full. But for god's sake was I dumb for trying. Do you ever remember as a kid wanting to go to bed, or wanting to stay inside? No...no you don't remember that...because as a kid, you were so carefree and happy. People were there, and the whole world smiled at you when you smiled at them.
I'm so tired of this damn keyboard and this life god has given me......I can't do no more but wait....until maybe I'm a kid again, and the world gives me another chance...
But these days, it's so hard to stay positive...I feel like It's a fight every morning to wake up and actually want to be awake for the day. I feel like laying in bed and sleeping...just sleeping because there really is nothing for me no more. I feel helpless and stupid, depressed because I'm ugly and a failure. I can't stand looking in the mirror at myself, or even to crack a small smile. I'm tired of feeling this way...and for a long, long time...thing's have never changed. Only worse do things turn and only more do I just never want to sleep at night.
For god's sake I've done all I can, reached out to whom I thought could help, tried to stay positive and tried to make everything half full. But for god's sake was I dumb for trying. Do you ever remember as a kid wanting to go to bed, or wanting to stay inside? No...no you don't remember that...because as a kid, you were so carefree and happy. People were there, and the whole world smiled at you when you smiled at them.
I'm so tired of this damn keyboard and this life god has given me......I can't do no more but wait....until maybe I'm a kid again, and the world gives me another chance...
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